Before and After
by repmetsyrrah
Summary: Sybil and Tom's thoughts before and after the confrontation in the drawing room.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** I've had this fic on my computer for quite a while now but I really, really wanted to finish another fic I had going before posting this but the muse on that one is being incredibly uncooperative. Then I was watching 2x08 yet again and decided I can't be bothered waiting :P

**_Before: _Sybil**

* * *

"Sybil dear, are you alright? You've hardly eaten anything."

Sybil looked up as her mother spoke. "I'm fine, Mama, I think I might have had more to eat at lunch than usual," she lied.

Thankfully her mother accepted the explanation without question, moving quickly onto discussing wedding plans with Lavinia.

Sybil knew she should eat but her stomach was so full of butterflies it didn't feel like it had room for anything else. She snuck another glance at the clock, wondering how Tom felt right now. No matter what she was feeling she had no doubt he was a thousand times worse. For all that he was ridiculously full of himself sometimes, he'd still been completely shocked at her bold plan.

"So, you just want me to come bursting into the drawing room after dinner and announce I intend to marry you?" he asked, a polishing cloth lying long forgotten on the hood of the car between them.

"I'll do the actual telling," she assured him hurriedly, she knew he'd be calm if she asked but she couldn't blame him for thinking it unfair their marriage wouldn't be accepted because of his status and didn't want to risk him going off on one of his speeches about inequality. No matter how much she agreed with them and loved him and his passion for it, there was a time and a place.

"I want you to be there. I'm not sure I could manage myself," she added quietly. She had thought about it, but she just knew she wouldn't be able to do it if she was alone. She was still surprised by how much stronger she felt when he was by her side.

"Oh, sweetheart," he sighed, coming around the car to embrace her, "Of course I'll be there, you know you could ask me to come to the moon with you and I wouldn't hesitate. I was just a bit... surprised. We're really doing this, aren't we?"

She had giggled at the look of excitement on his face and pulled him into a kiss. "We really are," she promised him.

"Sybil, my dear, are you _quite_ sure you're alright?" Her grandmother asked, pulling her back to the dinner table. "You look like you're not here at all."

She searched hurriedly for a lie her grandmother would accept. "Oh, I suppose with the war over and life getting back to normal this wedding just makes me think."

"Oh, my dear," Violet sighed, looking sympathetic, "you mustn't worry, your turn is coming."

_Sooner than you think, _Sybil couldn't help biting back the comment and glancing at the clock again. It was a pointless action, he wasn't coming in until after dinner, she still had plenty of time.

She saw Mary looking at her sharply out of the corner of her eye, of course she and Edith knew what had their sister so apprehensive but thankfully they'd both kept their promise not to say anything until Sybil and Tom were ready.

She didn't touch her dessert, she rather thought by that time it might come right back up. Thankfully no one commented, and all too soon they were going through into the drawing room.

"Are you absolutely sure?" Only her upbringing prevented Sybil from rolling her eyes or screaming in frustration at her sister's hissed question. "There's still time, excuse yourself and go find him and tell him not to come in," Mary suggested, holding her back as the other women went into the drawing room.

"Why would I do that?" Sybil asked, pulling her arms from her sister's grasp, "I want him to come. I want to tell them. We don't want to hide anymore."

And oh, Lord wasn't that the truth? She _hated_ the secrecy, from the moment she'd realised that she wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of her life with that foolish, infuriating, wonderful and loving man she had wanted to tell everyone. Sneaking around these last few weeks had been torture. Where Mary could bring a man she barely liked to dinner because he had money, Sybil was forced to steal kisses in the garage with the man she loved because he was "only" a chauffeur.

Mary sighed and Sybil didn't bother waiting to hear if she had anything else to add. Her sister would do _anything_ to keep her life of money and titles. She had rejected the man she loved, and who loved her, because he was in danger of losing his inheritance. And now she was marrying one she didn't even seem to like, because he had money and could offer her a house full of servants.

What did she know of following your heart? Sybil thought harshly. What did she know of accepting a man who promised to devote every second of his life to her happiness over one who could offer her jewels and servants and perhaps, if he had time, a passing affection?

She sat next to Edith, who gave her a small smile of encouragement which surprised Sybil so much Carson had to ask twice if she wanted any wine.

Matthew and her father came through relatively quickly and the clock ticked on.

Any second now.

A few more minutes passed during which Sybil didn't hear a single word of anything that was being discussed. Thankfully no one seemed to want her opinion on anything anyway, and Sybil was struck by how different it was with Tom. With him she could interrupt without fear of reprimand. With him she could talk about anything she wanted with someone who not only was willing to listen and wouldn't chide her on thinking about subjects not appropriate for young ladies but who valued her input and treated her like her thoughts mattered.

Where was he? Was he lost? He didn't know the house very well. Maybe he'd been stopped by another servant. A chauffeur had no business wandering around the main house. Especially out of uniform.

Was that clock getting louder or was it just her?

The door opened and Sybil felt her heart leap in her chest, she had planned to stand up and meet him straight away but her legs felt weak for a moment and then Tom was already in the room. His eyes meet hers for a moment and she couldn't help feeling so proud of him, her chest felt so full and she really didn't think she could have loved him more than in that moment.

Dimly she heard her father's confused inquiry and watched as her chauffeur stood before Lord Grantham, meeting his confused look with a defiant one.

"I'm here."

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**A/N:** Next up: Tom's thoughts as he makes his way to the drawing room.

Reviews are love!


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: ** Thanks for all the awesome feedback on the first part, I'm glad so many people enjoyed it. I'm not writing a 'during' part with this fic, sorry- though I really do wish we knew what was said between Tom coming in and Robert asking Mary what she knew. I mean, Daisy, I love you, but I can't be the only one that hated that cut down to the kitchens right in the middle of this scene!

The next chapter is Sybil's thoughts from the moment they leave the room. But before that, here's Branson's thoughts on his way to the drawing room. Hope you enjoy it!

**_Before: _Tom**

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Tom got lost.

Sybil had explained to him carefully exactly where the drawing room was but he hadn't been in the main body of the house many times before and it was unbelievably big. Her directions started from the library, they'd both agreed that would be the easiest way as Tom already knew how to get there from the servants' quarters and there was too much of a chance he'd get stopped if he went in the front door or through the kitchen entrance that the footmen used.

In fact he'd only been through the front door once in all his years at Downton, on the worst night of his life, in his haste to get Sybil's sister to Crawley House.

Though the night of the count may have a rival in this one soon, he thought, trying to orientate himself. As deliriously happy as he was that Sybil had finally accepted him, and her own feelings, and that she had decided the job offer he'd received that morning meant they didn't have to hide anymore, he was not looking forward to this confrontation.

And he had no doubt that was the right word for what was about to happen. He hated the hiding, he didn't care who knew he loved Sybil Crawley, but he knew quite a few of other people would.

"I could go to Dublin first," he'd offered later that day, even after they had discussed when he should come up to the house.

"No," Sybil sighed in exasperation, "I don't need more time to think, I expected this from my sisters but not from you!"

Oh, why couldn't he keep his mouth shut?

"I thought you wanted to tell them," Sybil sighed, crossing her arms and fixing him with an accusing glare. "You said you wanted them to know and that even if they didn't accept us, you'd accept them. Did you not mean that?"

"I know I said those things and I believe them I really do but now-" _now that we're actually doing this I know they'll say things that will hurt you and I can't bear to think of doing anything that would cause you pain._

"Could it hurt, to take some more time to think if this is what you really want?" _If _I'm_ what you really want?_

"You sound like Mary," Sybil cried, stepping away from him and folding her arms, "you _insist_ I do love you for months and then when I finally agree I'll come with you, you suddenly change your tune."

Because she hadn't said it yet, he had but she hadn't, and rather suddenly, when they were finally going through with it all, he was starting to doubt himself.

"Please don't be mad at me for saying these things," he begged her, "if all you want me for is to be your ticket to another place then I will take you wherever you want to go and I will do so _gladly_ but don't marry me unless you truly want to because I don't think I could survive that."

She was in his arms before he'd finished, burying her face in his chest and pulling him close. "I'm sorry," she said softly, "I am _so_ sorry if I've made you feel that way."

"I love you," he told her, holding her close, "you know that but- _please_," he said softly, "please be sure."

"If I'd wanted only to travel that's all I would have asked," she whispered, even though they were alone, "but I want more, I want _you_. I know I haven't said... Can you wait? Just a little longer?"

"I'd wait forever," he promised her, meaning every word. She may not have said it yet, but she had made her feelings clear at least and he felt guilty for doubting them.

After that he hadn't gotten any more work done but he'd been involved in far more pleasant activities. Besides, he was getting fired later that night anyway, what did it matter if the Renault wasn't completely spotless?

The sound of footsteps startled him back to the present and he quickly jumped into a side room that seemed to have an absurd amount of vases in it for some reason. Carson passed by without even a glance and Tom noticed the clean glasses and full decanter of wine on his tray and headed in the same direction.

Unfortunately, he had been a bit too cautious in staying far enough behind Carson that he wasn't seen and only a few moments later he had lost the Butler.

Although, was that the bust Sybil had told him was down the hall from the drawing room? And there was the painting of Lord Grantham's great-grandfather. Good, now he knew where he was. He hoped.

So, was it left and two doors down or was it past two doors then left?

"Mr. Branson?"

He jumped a mile but when he spun around it was only Anna there and he knew she wasn't going to give them away. Not that it really mattered now. "I'm here to-"

"I know," she cut him off, then beckoned for him to follow her. She led him down a hall before stopping in front of a pair of ornate double doors that looked very similar to the ones Sybil had described to him.

"They're all in there," she told him, "good luck."

"Think I'm going to need more than that," he said quietly, turning towards the door, surprised no one inside could hear him already, surely his heart was pounding loudly enough to be heard on the other side?

Anna just gave a little smile and disappeared down the hall, leaving him standing there, in a suit that probably cost less than the handle on the door in front of him.

He could hear them inside, Lord Grantham was speaking but Tom wasn't listening to whatever he was saying. He took a deep breath and set his shoulders, he wasn't going to falter. No matter what. Sybil always asked how he could be so sure of everything but the truth is he wasn't, not when he was alone. But if he went in and faced them feeling any other way right now... well, he wouldn't go in at all.

Before he could think anymore he opened the door and stepped in.

He was slightly surprised to see Mr. Matthew and Miss Swire there, Sybil hadn't mentioned they were coming and he felt a bit sorry for them for a moment, this was probably going to be awkward for them but he could hardly back out now.

Everyone was looking at him in confusion, save the Crawley sisters, two of whom were looking at him like he was there to burn down their house and one, the only one whose thoughts really mattered was looking at him with such an expression of love that Tom almost forgot where he was and why he was feeling so nervous.

"Yes?" Lord Grantham's voice pulled Tom's attention from Sybil.

Suddenly Tom felt a wave of calm sweep over him, he met the other man's eyes, not flinching and simply thinking of Sybil and the way she had looked at him when he walked in. What was there to be afraid of when he had her there with him?

He had no idea how to start but Sybil had asked him to come and now he was here. So why not start with that?

"I'm here."

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Reviews are love!


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Thanks again for the lovely reviews, I always get so excited when I check my e-mail to see one there :P Anyway, here's the aftermath of the announcement, and once again, ladies first :P

**_After: _Sybil**

* * *

"Tom."

She tried to keep her voice steady but she was so tense she couldn't hear if she succeeded or not.

She left in what she hoped was a dignified, though very quick, manner, trying to stop her hands shaking. She had had something planned, a carefully scripted speech, letting her family know as painlessly as possible what they intended but when they were suddenly faced with them all she'd panicked a bit and when Tom had insisted she not baulk just because her Grandmother was there she'd been grateful he hadn't let her back out.

_Tom and I are getting married_. Looking back it was probably the best way to say it, straight and to the point. Getting it over with quickly.

Their reactions had been exactly as she'd predicted, save for Granny's, which was somewhat of a nice surprise. Even if she was still entirely disapproving she was the only one of her family to give Sybil any credit for having thought at all about what she was doing.

She stopped in the hallway leading to her bedroom and was grateful Tom had followed her. She wouldn't have blamed him if he'd fled to his room in the inn straight away but of course, he would never leave her when she was so upset.

They had both known how her family was likely to take it, which was part of the reason she had told Tom she'd do most of the talking and she was pleased that he'd kept his promise not to fight with them too much.

She had briefly considered placing a warning hand on his arm when her father had mentioned him 'bowing and scraping' knowing that Tom wouldn't take that without comment but a bigger part of her had been just as insulted and she'd been rather proud when Tom had stood up to him.

Tom was saying something but she had been distracted in her own thoughts, he looked a bit upset and she was worried he'd said something important and taken her silence as disapproval.

Before she could ask him to repeat it though he was apologising for his comment at the start, when she'd suggested they wait and he had reminded her that her grandmother would find out eventually anyway and had every right to hear it from them.

"No," she stopped him, placing a hand on his arm, "I needed that. You were right- though don't let it go to your head," she added with a smile. "And thank you for reminding them I have my own mind too."

He laughed, a genuine laugh of relief and mirth. "I'll try to keep my ego in check," he promised and she couldn't help hugging him, enjoying the way he pulled her into his arms, giving her comfort.

They had spent so long _not touching _that now all she wanted was to be close like this. She knew there was more, young girls weren't as naïve as society liked to hope and most certainly not ones who'd trained as nurses, and while she was nervously excited by the thought, sometimes she thought she could stay like this, just wrapped in his arms, forever.

"You really are sure about this?" he asked again, pulling back just enough so that he could look at her, though he didn't look as worried as he had back in the garage.

"Tom Branson," Sybil sighed, "you are arrogant, over-confident and far too clever for your own good," she told him firmly, before smiling, "_and_ you're also passionate, and kind, and loving and you make me feel like I was living in a dream before I meet you and _yes_," she said finally, because if anyone had waited long enough to hear it, it was him, "you were right, I love you. And yes, I have loved you for a long time, and I'm not planning on stopping any time soon."

His lips were on hers before she'd even finished speaking and it was like their first kiss again. She felt like someone had set her alight, every fibre in her body was singing as if she hadn't been truly alive until just that moment. If she'd known this was what it would feel like to _finally_ be brave enough to voice her feelings, she thought, her hands curling in his hair, bringing him closer, she was sorry she hadn't done it sooner.

The moment was over all too quickly but Sybil knew he had to go, in case someone came looking for her, trying to talk her out of marrying him. It wouldn't do anything for their position to be caught like this.

"I'll come see you tomorrow," she promised, "I love you."

"I love you too," he replied and he had such a look of pure happiness on his face that she had to kiss him again.

Then he was gone and Sybil knew the next day wouldn't be easy. In the end though, she loved him and he loved her and the rest, she finally understood, was detail.

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Reviews are love!


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** Last chapter! Thanks again for the reviews guys, you're awesome! I'm glad I'm not the only one who's fallen hard for these two. Anyway, enjoy Tom's thoughts, also more Anna as well because apparently my muse likes her :P

**_After: _Tom**

* * *

"Tom."

He heard her say his name, his first name too, how long had he wanted her to call him that? Not that this was the first time but even after so many weeks it still gave him a little thrill to hear it from her lips.

He waited a moment, staring defiantly at them, before Lord Grantham started to move towards him and he made his exit. It was one thing to show them he wasn't afraid of them but it was quite another to have your fiancée's father kill you with his bare hands.

Sybil walked quickly, he didn't know where she was going but he followed her anyway because he felt like leaving her now was something he couldn't handle. She stopped suddenly and leaned against the wall, her eyes closed.

"I think that went rather well," he said lightly, trying to lighten the mood.

Sybil opened her eyes but didn't smile and he recalled her plea that he let her do all the talking, not to say anything out of turn, which was something he'd pretty much blown within the first few seconds.

"I'm sorry," he said, hoping she wasn't too upset, his mother always warned him of being too quick with his temper and he was trying, he really was, but faced with them all there, judging him because luck hadn't dealt him a set or rich or titled parents. "I didn't mean to be so – Your grandmother did have a right to hear it from us."

"No," interrupted him, placing a hand on his arm, "I needed that. You were right- though don't let it go to your head. And thank you for reminding them I have my own mind too."

He smiled, promising to keep his ego in check and pulling her into his arms. Inside though he was fighting down a scowl at the memory of her father suggesting he had seduced her, as if she didn't have her own mind or the ability to make her own decisions. Yes, he knew he could be over-confident at times and perhaps he had gotten impatient but if anyone was capable of putting him in his place it was Sybil. He had no doubt had she not wanted him like he wanted her she'd have asked him to leave Downton long ago.

He knew they could only speak briefly, someone may follow Sybil and Tom thought it best he was gone by the time that happened. He still had to be sure though, that she was certain.

He pulled away, even though he was reluctant to do so, so he could meet her gaze, "You really are sure about this?"

He never should have doubted her though, and before he knew it he had to kiss her, for all his grand speeches he was at a loss for words when she finally told him what he'd wanted to hear since he'd confessed his feelings to her in York. He simply poured all his feelings into his kiss, hoping it was enough because right now his words seemed far too inadequate to express his overwhelming joy.

"I love you," she told him again, breathlessly, after they had separated, her hands still tangled in his hair and Tom felt his heart soar. Perhaps he should be thinking about how to get out of the house alive, or the fact that telling her family was just the beginning but his mind had gone blank. He thought he'd been happy when she'd agreed to run away with him but even that paled in comparison to this moment.

"I love you too," he told her, though she probably already knew that as he said it every single day. Sybil laughed and kissed him again before they both seemed to remember he had to leave.

"There's a staircase over there that the maids use," she told him, "It should take you back to the servants' hall."

He nodded, then left before she said something else like that because then he might not leave her at all.

He kept to the narrow staircase, confident that if he followed it long enough he'd emerge somewhere in the servants quarters and it he was seen wandering around at night out of uniform now not much would happen aside from a few confused questions. No one had officially said it but he was rather certain he no longer worked at Downton.

He reached the bottom of the staircase and thankfully came out in a familiar hallway near the kitchen. He tried to school his face into a more appropriate expression than the stupid grin he was still wearing. He took a deep breath and fought it down to a simple smile which would have to be good enough.

Most of everyone else had already gone to bed, two hall boys were discussing something down the hallway but they paid no attention to Tom. He decided to head straight out and to the inn when he saw a familiar figure walk out of the servants' hall.

"Anna," he called quietly, surprised she was still awake.

"Oh, Mr. Branson." Anna jumped slightly, putting her hand to her chest. "You startled me. I'm glad to see you're still alive."

"Sorry, and it was a near thing," he told her and they shared a smile. "I've taken my things to a room at the Grantham Arms, I'll be staying there until after Mr. Matthew's wedding, when Sybil and I leave."

"Shall I tell Mr. Carson?"

"No, I'll come back tomorrow morning to tell him where to send my outstanding pay, if I'm still getting any, that is," he added with a small smile, "and to tell everyone myself. I know they'll most likely not understand but I'm not ashamed and I won't hide."

Anna smiled and her eyes unfocused for moment, her mind seeming to go elsewhere and Tom remembered that he and Sybil weren't the only people in Downton who faced obstacles to their happiness.

"You should get some rest," Tom told her, realising she had probably been heading to bed, "I'm sorry to have kept you up."

"I was up anyway," Anna told him, "Lady Sybil has given me some things to think about. She's very brave, to do this."

"She is," Tom agreed. He knew giving up his job was nothing compared to what Sybil was risking. "Goodnight, Anna," he said, not prying into what Sybil's actions had made her consider. He could guess, and he hoped that one day she and Mr. Bates could be as happy as he and Sybil were tonight.

He exited the house without meeting anyone else and spared his beloved garage one last glance before setting off to the village.

He'd packed and taken his things to his room at the Grantham Arms early that morning, he hadn't had much left, he'd been sending things back to Ireland since Sybil's sisters had convinced them to stay and tell her family first. They'd both agreed it would be easiest if he could leave the grounds as soon as possible after the announcement.

He was halfway to Downton village before he even realised it, but his mind was caught in a loop. One thought pushing all others out.

She loved him.

She _loved _him.

She loved _him._

It didn't feel like he'd thought it would. He'd thought, after so long and even being so sure of them, actually hearing her return his feelings, would be an end to his waiting. Instead, it felt like a new beginning. One he was more than happy to start by her side.

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Reviews are love!


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